Mother-in-Law

When my son was first born it was a struggle to hold onto my sense of self while my mother and my husband's mother passed lots of information to me. I didn't feel grateful for the sharing; their advice stirred my secret suspicions that I was not a good mother, and I felt resentful.

Clearly, my daughter-in-law is her own person, and I can't assume that she is plagued with the same insecurities that I felt. But I sense a subtle, cautious distance between us that prods me to look back to my own history for help in understanding how to be an asset rather than a liability.

I made plenty of mistakes as a mother, so looking back isn't very comfortable. I stumbled along and learned through trial and error. The main thing I learned is this: I don't know much that's worth passing along. My so-called knowledge applies to conditions that no longer exist.

I have no answers for my son and daughter-in-law and they don't need my answers. In my opinion, they are fabulous parents. Down Syndrome puts plenty of extra work on their plates, and they go above and beyond what needs to be done, which makes it easy for me to enjoy being a grandmother.

Despite my shaky parenting, my son grew wise and he chose a mate that is pretty close to perfect. (If I had arranged a marriage for him, she's the one I would have chosen.)

I'd like to change one thing about her: I wish she could read my mind so she'd know how much I appreciate her. My goals are to be a loving grandmother, a respectful and appreciative mother, and a supportive and non-interfering mother-in-law. And to love them all without holding back.